The Name Game

 

 

Let's be honest. Sometimes having an Arabic name kinda sucks. I mean, they sound fine to you and me, but chances are, having to pronounce your name is your teacher's worst nightmare. With any luck, your teacher will butcher your name badly enough for it to only sound like some sort of rash. Or the cream that gets rid of the rash that sounds like some other brown kid's name.

And before you go complaining about how awful your name is and how hard it is for 'them white folk' to pronounce it...My name is Anbiya. It means prophets. Even if you are Muslim I bet you five bucks you pronounced it wrong (and if you said it right, good for you, Glen Coco! But I ain't really giving you five bucks because betting is haram). It's pronounced Um-bee-yuh. Alif, noon, meem makes an "um" sound. It's like Columbia without the "Col"...At least that's what I tell people.

I've endured 12 years of teachers, counselors, and classmates mispronouncing my name. For a while I was a stickler about correcting people. I thought, "hey, if you're gonna make me say your crazy-assed white last name properly, the least you could do is get my name right." Or even partially right. I'll settle for at least one syllable!

In eighth grade I tried to shorten my name to just "Biya" because apparently its too damn hard for people to pronounce the "An" as "Um" no matter how many times I remind them. High school is almost over and by now I've just given up. At this point I usually respond to "You in the back."

Very recently I've discovered that my name isn't even a name. I checked all the muslim baby name websites I could find. And I've never met or heard of someone else with my name. My parents gave me a name that isn't even a name. Great.

But you know what the worst part is? I can never find my name on a key chain!

Moral of the story: When you grow up and have you own children (insha'Allah) don't subject them to this kind of torture. Choose your names wisely.